I saw Dr. Polypeptide yesterday...
:) He sent me a message of condolence at about 2:00 AM! aaaaaah
only 25 more days to go... Right now I am thinking of my capstone project! I am glad that
over the last years I've been involved in working on some research
projects including [aging,
breast cancer, herbs, vitamins and metabolism, and finally AUTISM]... All
such projects were linked to diet. I love my major so much :) My goals
now center around continuing studying ABROAD. I hope, no one
will poke his nose in this except my parents, for they have all the
rights to do so.
Thanks goes to Aunt M.. I loved the gift ^_^
I got this pen with my 225 Magrudy's vouchers
Signs of D.E.P.R.E.S.S.I.O.N
I am pretty exhausted, not being able to
think or breathe.. I also do not walk for 30 minutes as I used to do
in the past.. I feel that my high density lipoprotein (HDL) is
very low... & the happy hormone (serotonin) is no longer
released... Sometimes, I feel I don't have any feelings.. that if you
let me insert my hands in fire I won't feel anything! Yeah.. it feels
like that... then suddenly after I wake up, I will burst into endless
tears. & my digestive system is currently sick, I guess... Maybe
because I eat a lot without feeling that I ate enough! To put more
yeast to the brew, last night I did not seem to sleep properly..
Perhaps my body position was inappropriate.. Maybe I left up all my
body weight on my right side of my neck! How? I don't know... Now I
have a severe pain in my neck.. I cannot move my neck normally!
Maybe because I am quite sad...
& maybe because.. I am quite {SHOCKED},
because I guess I trusted the "wrong" ones again. I don't easily
trust... it takes years and years for me to accept the friendship of a
person... It is easy for me to forgive, meaning that I do not hold
grudges against them even if they harmed me, but I do not forget at
all.... & I do not give many chances either... I grow more cautious
and taciturn...
It is sad...
that some people destroy all the
feelings we have for them within a couple of minutes...
Love is not about telling me you do CARE
& WORRY about me and then shock me all of a sudden......... You know
how much I suffer these days! You know that I've just lost my dear
brother! You know that I have a capstone project to work on! Did you
think that this would be so easy on me to tolerate? Did you think
shocking me was a solution? You really did not have to put me in such
a situation! I do not accept doing anything behind my back no matter
how good your intent was... If the matter concerns me, at least
discuss it with me before revealing it to another one.
I was fooled by you. I know that
if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't do what you did... I could be much
calmer & considerate.. I could at least keep the secret... Yet,
I do forgive you... There is a tranquility in my heart which
triggers off feelings of forgiveness for you... Maybe because losing
my brother is harder than what you did.. In other words, I became like
a bulletproof.
