Miracle World.. ~ Never ever.. BORING world =)

29|6|2004 12:48 AM I saw it in her eyes!

It was the first time for me to feel that I'd always miss my mum with tears filling my eyes... I didn't go to a far or REMOTE place.. I just didn't spend my morning, afternoon and night in my house with my family... when I was away... I was thinking of my mum deeply... I wondered why I was always keeping my secrets from her! Once, we were so close... What has changed in us? I used to give her hugs & kisses whenever I return back home from anywhere... Oh how I feel shy these days to express my feelings toward her!!

Mum's heart-shape candle

So when I returned back home.. the first one I saw was her... I ran to reach her lap & gave her a hug.. I said: "You couldn't even imagine how I missed you today"... I rose my head to put my eyes in hers & I saw sadness, fear & depression... She replied back: "I read nice words written by a pencil in the first pages of A walk to remember... did you write them for me?" I answered astonishingly: "woooords??? written by pencil???" she said: "yeah.. a date of 2002 was written below, but I know you didn't mean me when you wrote them... those words were written for someone so special.. for someone you love.."

I thought: "Omg Omg!!... she knew it.. I could read her eyes..." I couldn't recall what I wrote exactly, but I knew I was fascinated by that novel.. & perhaps I was inspired to write something romantic, soft & dreamy.

in the next day I got my novel back from my mum... I was so shocked to read what I wrote in 2002... How could I ever convince myself that I can forget those unforgettable moments?!! How could I forget that I revealed my feelings inside that novel?! I'm not gonna type what I wrote because I prefer to keep it personal & secretive between me & the person whom I kicked out of my thoughts, but I wanna share this simple poem that was written by Barbara Bergen... It's bout grieving... If a loved one has departed, & left an empty space, seek the inner stillness, set a slower pace. Take time to remember, Allow yourself to cry, acknowledge your emotions, let sadness pass on by. Then center in the oneness, Remember.. God is here, Death is but a change in form, your loved one is still near. Treat yourself with kindness, allow yourself to feel, God will do the mending, & time will help you heal.

So I guess my mum knows...

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:D Finally, I saw my brother today... Yeppe yaya yeppee yoh.. Yeppee yayaaa yeppee yoh... I was so pleased to see him... he knows how to comfort me with his joyful conversations... hmmm.. I don't know how will I endure not being able to see him for nearly 2 months.. & I'll be in Germany too.. ya3nee I'll be so far away from this country... wallah there's no discipline in our whole freej because he's not here :p

anyways, paals you can check out my P-shot section.. I still need to work a bit on it..

23|6|2004 9:58 PM

Hmmmm... you can view my momentO section ;) it's almost done.. I only need to complete moments of 2003..

:D say cheeeeeeese!!!

Booooooooooooo yal 7aafee.. A baby's world :p

I love this perfume ;)

Thanks Unknown~ It's so cute

seeeeeeee you later.....

22|6|2004 4:13 PM Wants to change!!

I hate my trivial mistakes... I hate it when I start blaming myself... Everyday I promise myself not to repeat them!! and then without intending.. I find myself repeating them all over again...

I also hate to take care of those who don't deserve asking about them regularly. The problem is when I'm stressed out and everything seems dark & gloomy I forget about my duties & start to react in an inappropriate conduct.

Message to someone:

Don't expect that I'll continue sharing my thoughts with those whom I don't believe! & you yourself imposed this upon me... It'll be so clear and obvious if you still care. Yet I don't know what's behind all of this! Best believe that I won't show you my concern anymore.. I also don't wanna know your percentage & I assure you that I won't look for it in the newspaper! J.U.S.T stop this craaaaaaap!

Hmmm finally visitors can view my graphics page. I'm still working on my moments section <= it needs a lot of work!

16|6|2004 12:49 AM Be grateful

Although our lives may not seem as perfect as we'd like them to be, we can always look around and find those who are worse off than us. we have to be thankful & grateful for what we are... I know some people who really suffer in their lives... Yes they have a family, but they live as strangers among them, but they don't give up!! They share their laughter & joy with others... They try very hard to conceal their sadness to overcome their pain. when you see them you envy their happiness, but you never know how stressed out they are! If only we try to observe that there are those who need our love in this life & then work hard to ease their pain away everything will work out fine!! Don't you know that the use of LOVE is to heal?? Love can also create health!!

This is a message for those who try their best to brighten our days when they're overwhelmed in their problems & sadness.... {be optimistic & live your day happily... let your faith grow stronger, for you know that God will reward you for your patience... Continue to follow your own chosen path & make alterations in your lifestyle.}

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I had a wonderful time at my aunt's house... & there was someone who made me change my mind about TRAVELING! Hmmmm, I think I'll be going to GERMANY soon! :P

from Mum

;)

I was touched by her sweet words & I really felt proud & happy to have a special mum like her...

11|6|2004 2:09 PM Memories.....

Back in Holland... When we had each other!

I remember how I was willing to update this page.. I remember how I was eager to check my moments section from time to time... I don't know what's wrong with me! it's not only because I'm lazy.. the thing is ppl change!! things change you in a way that you really hate! :/

The only thing that I did today was publishing my old news of this year..

So everyone can view my OLD TIDINGS of year 2004:

2-2004, 3-2004, 4-2004

Reading I don't know how she does it

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{Something special happened} I went through an amazing event!!!

Special Thanks to my uncle & his wife... :)

ALLaaaaaaaaaaah

In this year I felt like I could climb mountains, paint extravagant pictures, or write a best-selling book. I felt creativity soared through me, radiated from my mind, & brought inspiration to my heart.

Yesterday wasn't an ordinary day.. The 10th of June. I felt weightless to really left up & take a flight to & see the world in its beautiful entirety. I felt I could make magic, make masterpieces, & create something simply extraordinary. I felt good about myself, I felt confident, self-assured, & limitless. I believed that nothing, no one, could stand in my way... as If I was stopping dreaming to take hold of those dreams & then bring them to reality & show them to the world with pride.

من لم يزد شيئا في الحياة... فهو زيادة على الحياة

So true!

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Anyways, I wanna say something else.. well Finally Lolly built a tiny web page of her own.. you've gotta check it out :) Congratulation sisoo :D

8|6|2004 5:05 PM This is how I feel when I listen to...

Hiya... :D how's everybody? Hmm all my friends are engrossed in tests :p I wish them the best of luck... anyhow, now I have plenty of time to go shopping & to heal myself from all the toxins & the antibiotics that have been killing my friendly bacteria. :s I wanna say something that may seem aimless & irrelevant to you... I'm gonna spill it out anyway I think of you so often... You keep dropping by my mind... I think of you at the oddest times & in the strangest places. So often, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I feel your presence enter me like the morning sun's early light, filling my memories & dreams of us with a warm & clear radiance. you're the cause of my tears, fears & happiness... :( I miss you! I'll always miss you...

Now lemme continue revealing or lemme talk about the special ones or the special feelings .. It's a special privilege to know someone whose outward appearance is a delight just to see someone who lights up a room with radiance & who lights up little corner of the world with a loveliness it has never known before... Because special people like that are really beautiful... outside. What do you think?

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This is how he changes.. :/

I'm listening to (ya raja2e 3) I like ya raja2ee + Farshee ettorab the most... the lyrics of all the anasheed that are in the cassette are simply AMAZING!

2|6|2004 6:35 PM To come home to you.

Who means the world to you? I'm just wondering... ;)

people always say things like, "Do you ever feel like getting away from it all?" away from the worries of the rush-about days that always seem to be?

I know that I do...

I need something in my life... that is solid & secure & someplace that I can escape to where I can close out any worries & open up to more peaceful things.

I'm luckier than a lot of people, I guess for I have found someplace I can go where my heart is always happy to be & where I have someone I can turn to, someone who is an essential part of me.

And the best part of all is that all I have to do... is just come home to you.

1|6|2004 1:7 PM

Grandpa...

I still see you everywhere... I see you when I laugh.. I see you when I cry.. I see you whenever I need you.. Yet, I wanna see you here sowing the seeds of love & loyalty between us. I miss you... Things are not as they seemed to be... I can see the whole family scattering... one by one... If only you were here, they wouldn't dare to displease you. I can't take ittttt any longer :( I don't know how to express it. I cannot put the perfect words.. You understand tears language, don't you?

Each day we forget our priorities & start to panic & talk about silly things, but when you come in our thoughts your memory evokes the happy days to leave the tears fall silently... Happiness is being with you. I wish if you were here... You made me feel like a child who doesn't fear anything knowing that you'll always be the first to console me... I know where you are, but you're so far... I need one more last hug.. I need one more last smile... @ least one more DREAM..

how could I neglect those precious moments when you were here? I believe that it wasn't ME who was wasting her time with ppl who don't deserve your nail... I know I won't stop blaming myself.

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These words touched me:

To remember me..

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function & that, for all intents & purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the death of life, & let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber & nerve in my body & find a way to crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells if necessary, & let them grow so that someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat & a dead girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me & scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must burry something, let it be my faults, my weakness & all prejudice against my fellow man. Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

Robert N. Test

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Pals...

It's been so long since I last updated this page... It's not that I got bored from it... I was stressed with my tests & I was sick.. of course my sickness didn't prevent me from checking my site & my forum from time to time, but I wasn't in the mood of updating my website at all.. I wanna T.H.A.N.K Shammany for showing me her concern in my comment box :) that was so nice of her.

Today I was searching for my old movies & cartoons... I love Disney's Classics the most. I've found:

Aladdin, Beauty & the beast, Peter pan, Mulan, Oliver & company,Toy story, around the world with Timon & Pumba... I couldn't find Cinderella, sleeping beauty & snow white.. I lost them :'( I've to go to TOYS R US.. I might find them there...

Warner bro's classics are also amazing... Thumbelina is the best!! :)