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26th|June|2006
6:26
PM Evergreeen..
Deep inside my heart there is this flame which cannot
be extinguished at all... I am living with a burning heart that was
broken by grief... And now I am always suppressed by fears that keep
me up every night... My whole world caved in.. Darkness became
dominant over light... The sky became a plain blanket with no stars...
& the moon has left me for good.. The moon couldn't bear that a cloud
has been replaced on my eyes. That cloud is like a veil that prevents
me to recognize the beauty of YOU inside the moon. The whole world is
fighting against me to rid me of the feelings I have for you... & now
I am a creature that became secluded from others and even lost from
itself. I can hardly distinguish between right & wrong, happiness and
sadness, reality and dreams, truth and lies... Everything seems a lie
to me, but when I close my eyes at night and see you there, a warm
sparkling ocean of tears stream down my cheeks.. Such tears assure me
that they came from the world of TRUTHFULNESS... I then shiver and
become completely deranged... I start talking to you with an eloquent
language that sounds so strange to me. Yet, so beautiful... A language
that is full of emotions, chants, and hymns that tickle the heart and
take the mind to an indescribable world of fascination... A world that
is evergreen... In that world, there are times in which you and I take
a walk in the rain without umbrellas... I remain silent and rejoiced
by your company... I then turn to you.. I observe concealed
tears in your eyes... & the moment those tears fall and touch the
ground, the rain stops and all the red roses blossom.. the rainbow
appears.. You then take my hand and settle me under the shadow of
love... Suddenly, all the birds hover around us to celebrate the
moment of delight... You then whisper: "I am not a poet nor a person
who can write perfect love letters.. I've hurt you in the past... and
those tears which colored our world revealed nothing but my love for
you.." I smile.. Then I say: "You
wanna know the color of my yearning to be with you? meditate on the
scene of the sunset... I am sure such color will leave you speechless
and detached from this world.. You'll then realize how I suffer in
this world without you.. You'll then notice the colorless world I
lived in..."
I open my eyes.. I see myself left alone
again..
& you can imagine the vandalistic
smashing of my thoughts that lead me to certain death.
...........................
Maybe I'm demented and lunatic... Maybe I am surrounded
by a fake vision... Yes this is worse off than death itself. It's a
nostalgia that keeps me distracted all the time..... but please
don't blame me.
23rd|June|2006
5:27
PM Too many sleepless nights..
~Yesterday many things happened... I can't explain how
we can sense things even though we don't tend to see 'em. (sub7an
Allah) I had a dream about some people before 3 days.. It was weird..
Later on, something happened that reminded me of that dream... It was
exactly like a tape-recorder. At first it was so shocking.. It then
became obvious that my dream was like a sign or
something............................. And my feelings? Oh you don't
need to know about how I felt... Some things are better left UNSAID..
UNWRITTEN.. UNTOUCHED... I don't know if it's gonna last forever or
end so soon.. But at this very moment I can say it's the most
beautiful thing that has been granted by you to me. And it's a fact
that you know how to cheer me up even if I don't feel happiness will
ever permeate my soul and heart. I just don't wanna admit it to myself
and I have my reasons and you know them.. It's also a fact that I
always feel I am watched by you even if you're not here.. Jinn
as my friend always say... Someday, things will come to an
end........................ coz this is life.
{I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth}
~The other thing that happened yesterday was that my
dad surprised me with a LOVELY gift... ((THANK YOU DAD)) The
relationship between the daughter and her father is amazing..
INDESCRIBABLE..
Plans:
~I've already chosen 20 books to read in my summer
holiday.. I've added one more that is (HAMLET) by Shakespeare.
& I also want to read Don
Quixote.. and I wanna read les
miserables and pride and prejudice and sense and
sensibility anddddd Emma.. basically all the classics!!!!
wanna read every thinggggggggggg
~I would like to go to PARIS as soon as possible.. I
wanna go to the Louvre. The da vinci code made me more curious.
yeah I know it's fiction and most of what has been said is actually
nothing but riddles and vague thingsعقيدة
كاملة كلها طلاسم,
but I would like to see St. Sulpice church and observe the rose line
and many other stuffff.. I also wanna go to SPAIN.. I miss SPAIN
Final words: Bnt_Mamaty =) Mabroo0ok =D you've made it
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