11|6|2003  3:30 AM  An individual interview with moi

Hi Dr.Miwicle... I can see that you're growing drowsy... Why are you still awake & could u tell me  How do you feel now,please? forgive my curiosity...

I'm stifling my anger... I hate ignorance! I'm pretending that I can easily ignore too.. By making myself busy with anything... I hate it when I trust the wrong ppl... I hate it when they spread slander... Do they like it when I call them slanderous? they're hypocrites! they are intolerable They wear terrible colorful masks to conceal their hideous faces... I hate it when they sow the seeds of dissension among friends... I hate it when they don't control their tongues... I hate it when they reveal my secrets I hate it when they stab me in the back without feelings... I hate it when they lie... Yet I can't hate them... But I can abandon them...

These question are rolling through my mind @ this moment:

Will you ever regret it? Will you feel the deep pain that I felt?? Are these your ways in expressing your gratitude 2 me? Are you sick?? Did you lose your self-esteem?? Who taught you the ways to be so ingenious in devilishness? your friends??? And if so... Did they grab the (mercy) which used to be settled in your heart? How & when? In a blink of an eye!!! Are you that weak??

Let your heart speak..

You've to know that my life is on hold. I look @ the clock & the calendar, & the hours & the days take on a renewed sense of length. Time stands still. The nights take forever. My sleep is restless. My life is on "Pause... waiting" I just really miss you... I pray that you're safe from all harm & you're feeling all right, that you're healthy & sleeping well... I miss your laughter I miss our talks... Sometimes I almost cry & say it's for no reason, but my heart knows better. I'm just sad, & I really miss you...

It's time to get my life back in order... When I wake up tomorrow. my heart is still going to hurt... But the good news is that everyday, it's going to hurt a little bit less... As long as I keep moving forward & keep looking toward tomorrow, best believe that I'm gonna make it through this...

You're living in Contradiction!!! Alright...  How to heal yourself?

Actually, I'm convincing myself that I'm very busy that my thoughts are clouded by the things I'm doing now, & even more so, by the things I'll do tomorrow... I make plans, make to-do lists & shopping lists... I'm busy that I'm doing anything that will keep me from being busy concentrating on them, because that kind of busy will result in disaster....

I'm sorry but are you crazy? You're wasting your time!! I mean... You'd better recite verses from the Holy quraan... The wound will be healed immediately... Yallah Go...

Oh you're absolutely right.... Thanks for reminding me... I'd better leave now... But hey don't call me *Crazy*... I'm not only crazy... I'm the craziness itself... Buh bye...

I see... Bye bye

6|6|2003  8:30 PM Family meeting

Sometimes... late @ night... When I force myself to sleep... I suddenly stare @ my pc my *Goo6y*.. I hear some whispers such as " What are you waiting miracle???, switch me on " Without hesitating... I get off my bed immediately to switch it on... Then I start surfing the net... surfing & surfing hopelessly... For I know it'll bore me more... ehhhh... poor me!!

I've been to grandma's house today... Actually it was a family meeting... I met my aunt there... She's a doctor & she doesn't want me to study medicine...No one encourages me !! who'll heal you freely except me, haaa? 7lailee... Dr. Miracle... I mean Miwicle <--- ( ya salam ).. lool...  My grandma said: " No one will marry you.. no one wants a doctor, you've to be on call @ all times, Your husband will be upset!! & what about your children?? where will you throw them? they'll need their mum to look after them..." OooHooO!! They don't think of the great aim that I really wanna achieve... Besides, My aunt got married... and she has children... o ba3dain most of doctors are married! ++ I don't think of it now or even later! because it's something has written in my DESTINY! No one knows if he/she will get married or not!! & If she/she thinks of it very often she/he will blow up his/her head sOon!! I love to be busy with my job! I'd like to be engrossed in it!! & I'm not exaggerating...

My family doesn't want me to suffer as most doctors & medical students do... But this life is too short & we all will face difficulties through it, right? We have to be ambitious... We have to think of our future coz we'll build it not the others! Mmmm, I wanna be a Doc <== these words came from the bottom of my heart ... Maybe God doesn't want me to! then I won't become DISCONTENTED... As I said... Everything has written... Our destinies isn't within our hands & God knows what the best is for us all....

Flashy..

This is 3abbood the spy! He's also a big troublemaker!!

This is my settee... My beloved... I enjoy reading while relaxing on it.. It comforts me a lot...

currently reading: " Doctors By Erich Segal & حدائق ذات بهجة "

Banoota has the same cup... It's tiny & cute! I love everything has the @ symbol... @@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@

@ the end of my humble update I'd like to say that Everything happens through the instrumentality of God... Even the most ordinary things are great blessings... So we all have to be satisfied & we all should praise him...

One more thing... Makki's site is finally back with a new amazing layout & new sections... You've gotta visit it now! It's so professional!! Mashallah