Miracle World.. ~ Never ever.. BORING world =)

10|9|2005 1:59 AM OLD & dusty stuff that I've been keeping for so long... each one of them has a special memory

Well as usual I decided to stay up... I'm worried about HER

I found a lot of old things while trying to look for something...

MY NICE OLD STUFF

I can't believe I'm still keeping this with me

Grade 8 "I GUESS" I didn't like my handwriting at that time

I used to draw maps => grade 9

LOL yeah this is a louse... SHAMMA knows all about it ;P

I used to keep a number inside this wallet. A secretive one.. It was before almost 7 years ago.

MMmm mn~dubai, I never threw your things.. I've always believed that you're the most creative one among us. "MASHALLAH"

NOW I feel so tired... I'd better leave.. ALTHOUGH I do have a lot of things to say & type, I will seal my lips and tie my fingers.

I'm so engrossed in something called (Projects). The problem is that MY mind is somewhere else and I'm easily distracted lol. EVEN AMOONY witnessed this silly thing in me...

Besides there are things which trigger my baddddddd mood. SHHH SHHH SHH

CHAWZ

5|9|2005 9:31 PM My graduation day..

Last night while forcing herself to sleep... she closed her eyes and saw herself graduating from high school...

It was an enthusiastic day.. It was something so new to me... A day of happiness, fright, surprises and much more. I remember how my heart was beating so quick and loud that it made my face look so pale...

And when they called out my name, I wasn't even sure it was mine. Suddenly, the light was on me & only me.. After that, I could hear the sound of their claps.. I raised up my head and walked straight... my heart raced and my legs wear sooooooooooo heavy that I couldn't walk properly... and my whole body was shaking, but I was forcing myself to smile.. lol

I stepped on the stairs to reach the stage... There she was... The principle with my certificate in her hands.. I shook my hand with hers and thanked the sheikh.

Slowly I returned back to my seat... I felt a bit comfortable... Then I turned around to see the full audience... "wooooow it seemed that so many people accepted the invitation" That made me feel more nervous.. I saw mum, uncle and my sis... They gave me a lot of courage by smiling at me.

In the midst of the audience, my eyes were searching for someone even though I knew very well that that person wouldn't have bothered to come...

In the moments of success I needed you to be around... Coz I only feel proud and happy when I am surrounded by your support. The feelings of missing you rushed throughout my body ... And I needed your shoulders to cry on... I held back my tears, but memories were chasing me..

I heard the sound of their claps again, but that didn't interrupt my thoughts...

I sighed then I continued remembering...

Long time ago, I've been smitten by an angel in disguise... In my angel lustrous eyes I could see a very spacious ocean that could take me far away from sorrow... I was drowning in that ocean before I even knew what it was.. & suddenly... Everything collapsed... I cried until no more tears would come... I ached with anguish & hated the world so bad... I remembered how everything was petrified, gloomy, destroyed and wizened... I remembered how I started to suffer from insomnia and how I turned to be nocturnal.

Of course it wouldn't be pleasant to lose a precious part of you, would it? Imagine if one piece of a puzzle was lost.. would the image be complete without it? of course not.

The feeling of being incomplete has been pursuing me for so long....

& when someone is suddenly defeated, he/she becomes vulnerable... so easy to attack... I remembered how I started to accept a lot of mistakes in my life... I remembered how I used to take long walks in the moonlight alone & shed tears like a never ending stream.. I wanted everything to return peaceful & shiny, yet I could do nothing about it.

I knew one thing for sure.. "Everything has its end... Allah Alleviates all pain".. So despite seeing them between lines whenever I grabbed a book to read... despite being able to recognize their vision in each and every spot... Despite hearing bad news about them and not being able to reach them.. Despite all of that, I struggled and worked so hard to achieve my goal in life...

When I saw all the graduation hats flying in the air, I remembered that It was a year of hardships.... I was sick, lonely "REALLY LONELY", hurt, but I didn't accept to live in pain... I finally got a very high percentage compared to all my classmates.. I learned that nothing's difficult... everything is so easy if and only if you have the will to study...

I hugged mum & remembered these lines:

"The first intoxication is always the most severe... The first fall is always the hardest... The first cut is always the deepest" By Nizami

that's why................ I still........

4|9|2005 1:30 PM Sitting in the library.. Thinking of my future optimistically... Oh.. How I miss walking in the rain!!

"When goals are not reached and prayers not answered, do we ever stop to think that God's apparent silence may be for our own good? We are convinced that we know our own needs, it is true. But needs are often confused with wants, and those things are wanted - but not needed - are sometimes the cause of our downfall. Of course, if we could tell what the future holds for us, this confusion would never arise. But the future is veiled from our eyes; the threads of each man's fate extends well beyond the boundaries of the visible world. Where they lead we cannot see. Who can say that today's key will not be tomorrow's lock, or today's lock not tomorrow's key?"

By Nizami

YOU know I hate politics and this word "GLOBALIZATION" I really do...

WHATEVER!!! I won't ruin my day just because of a silly reason.

I'm extremely happy today.. Maybe because I didn't carry my mirror with me! lol yeah I look so messy especially when I wake up tired... & Maybe I'm happy because I'm moving around... I can't stand sitting in one place... & maybe because I had the chance to drink "THE PLEASURE OF LIFE" with my friend roo7 Dubai & maybe because I didn't shed a tear yet.

Perhaps I'm happy coz I shared my craziness with some crazy students.

mmmm & maybe because I feel blissful to take the opportunity of talking with HER old HUMANITIES teacher.. I had so many questions about Hinduism, Buddhism, Orthodox, Protestant, Catholics, Mormons, Amish ppl, OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS and much much more. So the kind teacher took me to the library and spent so much time guiding me to use encyclopedias... HE concentrated on the philosophical part a lot...... o_O

We talked about so many things.. To my surprise, he said he didn't like memoirs of a geisha for some reason. he read the first few pages though....... & heee would like to read the da vinci code

He advised me to watch a movie ;P I won't mention it...

MMmmmMm and maybe because teachers and students do like the rings I wear ;)

3|9|2005 10:52 AM I remember.............

Some people used to be so careless... They ignored everything in life except fun. I remember them being so engrossed in other trivial things & forgetting all about their family, studies & all those who loved them tremendously. The hardest part was when everyone was showing their concern... Yet, nothing could change the careless ones. & I KNOW WHY... Our concern was never enough for them. They wanted something more sure and secure.

I remember how we were so upset and trying our best to help them to re-gain hope and ambitions... I remember how I tried my best... I spent all my time thinking of them... I was patient even though I'm not the kind of person who can endure patience for so long.

It's much more hard when I turned to be like them without intentions.. Now I do know the feeling of any person who writes a long email with so much love and then receives nothing at all... I do know how much it hurts... Yet, I can do nothing about it.

Something inside of me scattered... The difference between me and you is that your people cared so much... Your family was around and you were loved by so many and you had those who could accept all your mistakes, yet you didn't appreciate it.... AND me? I really am alone... careless... isolated... detached.. distracted... Still I keep running away without being able to explain... The dearest member of my family knows that there's something not alright, but she keeps on neglecting... She also hurts pretty badly.. & whenever I wanna feel her presence she drifts away or doesn't bother... When I ask you to come with me to the clinic, I just wanna feel you with me... I wanna feel secure with you... Coz you're the last hope of my life, but you never gave me those feelings when I needed them so much... And now I'm hurting all those who are around too... Honestly, I can't feeeel...

To the careless ones:

Someone must have hurt you long time ago, but why it takes revenge on one who loved you so?

Thank you cousin.. I loved the gift so much :)

Thank you my friend *Roo7 Dubai* I loved the key chain

Now I need to spend the rest of the day alone... I thank all those who forgave me.. especially my friends.. thanks for enduring for so long... I also don't blame those who can't forgive my unexplainable actions!

O mother...... I'm lost without you...... :'(

1|9|2005 5:10 PM day after day.. time passed away & I just can't get you out of my mind... No body knows I hide inside I keep on searching but I just can't find......

Surprisingly, my first day @ uni was ok. I can say it was "Super great" for a gurl who thought she hated her uni. All the faces looked so familiar to me even though I didn't know all of them. I think when a person gets used to something, they love it without noticing. I for example managed to live with it. I've been living with confusion, pain, despair and hardship ever since the day I didn't get the chance to say GOODBYE to some dear people. Yet, I didn't stop trying to achieve something worthy. COZ I know myself.. I'm dead without AMBITIONS. The same problem is with HER

It's like we've been lost for so long.. or running inside the same circle that led us to no target point. I'm glad we survived... despite all what had happened we didn't lose faith :) Faith is the main source of hope, ambitions and achievements.

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT (MUHAMMED PEACE BE UPON HIM) This is an interesting book. By Ahmed Deedat. I will add the introduction of this book..

READ THIS...

Pope or kissinger

"This Reverend gentleman was expounding Biblical prophecies. He went on to prove the Christian Bible foretold the rise of Soviet Russia, and the last days. At one stage he went to the extent of proving that his holy book didn't leave the Pope out of its predictions. He expatiated vigorously in order to convince his audience that the "Beast 666" mentioned in the book of Revelation - the last book of the new testament- was the POPE, who was the Vicar of Christ on earth. It is not befitting for us Muslims to enter into this controversy between the Roman Catholics & the Protestants. By the way, the latest Christian exposition of the "Beast 666" of the Christian Bible is Dr. Henry Kissinger. Christian scholars are ingenious and indefatigable in their effort to prove their case.

Rev, Hiten's lectures led me to ask that if the Bible foretold so many things - not even excluding the "Pope" and "Israel", - then surely it must have something to say about the greatest benefactor of mankind - the holy. Prophet Mohammed (May the peace of Allah be with him).

As a youngster I set out to search for an answer. I met a priest after priest, attended lectures, & read everything that I could lay my hands relating to the field of Bible prophecies. Tonight I am going to narrate to you one of these interviews with a dominee of the Dutch Reformed Church."

Lucky thirteen

"I was invited to the Transvaal to deliver a talk on the occasion of the birthday celebration of the holy prophet Muhammed. Knowing that in that Province of the republic, the Afrikaans language is widely spoken, even by my own people, I felt that I ought to acquire a smattering of this language so as to feel a little "at home" with the people. I opened the telephone directory and began phoning the Afrikaans-speaking churches. I indicated my purpose to the priests that I was interested in having a dialogue with them, but they all refused my request with "plausible" excuses. Number 13 was my lucky number. The thirteenth call brought me pleasure and relief. A dominee Van Heerden agreed to meet me at his home on the Saturday afternoon that I was to leave for Transvaal.

He received me on his verandah with a friendly welcome. He said if I did not mind, he would like his father-in-law from the Free State ( a 70-year-old man) to join us in the discussion. I did not mind. The three of us settled down in the dominee's library.

Why nothing

I posed the question: "What does the bible say about Mohammed?" without hesitation he answered, "Nothing!" I asked: "Why nothing? According to your interpretation the Bible does have so many things to say about the rise of Soviet Russia and about the Last Days and even about the Pope of the Roman Catholics?" He said: "Yes, but there was nothing about Mohammed!" I asked again, "Why nothing? Surely this man Mohammed who had been responsible for the bringing into being a world-wide community of millions of believers who, on his authority, believe in

1) The miraculous birth of Jesus

2) That Jesus is the Messiah

3) That he gave life to the dead by God's permission, and that he healed those born blind & the lepers by God's permission.

Surely this book (the bible) must have something to say about this great leader of men who spoke so well of Jesus and his mother Mary?"

The old man from the Free State replied: "My son, I have been reading the bible for the past 50 years, and there was any mention of him, I would have known it."

Not one by name

I enquired: "According to you, are there not hundreds of prophecies regarding the coming of Jesus in the old testament." The dominee interjected: "not hundreds, but thousands!" I said, "I am not going to dispute the 'thousand and one' prophecies in the old testament regarding the coming of Jesus Christ, because the whole Muslim-world has already accepted him without the testimony of the biblical prophecy. We Muslims have accepted the de facto Jesus on the authority of Mohammed alone, and there are in the world to-day no less than 900,000,000 followers of Mohammed who love, respect and revere this greatest messenger of God - Jesus Christ - without having the Christians to convince them by means of their Biblical dialectics. Out of the 'thousands' of prophecies referred to, can you please give me just one single prophecy where Jesus is mentioned by name? The term 'Messiah', translated as 'Christ', is not a name but a title. Is there a single prophecy where it says that the name of the Messiah will be Jesus, and that his mother's name will be Mary, that his supposed father will be Joseph The Carpenter; that he will be born in the reign of the Herod the king, etc etc? NO! There are no such details! Then how can you conclude that those 'thousand' prophecies refer to Jesus?"