27|2|2005  8:42 PM  DEDICATED TO MUM.

READ IT FROM THE START TILL THE END.. OR DON'T READ ANYTHING.. Just enjoy looking at the pix

Don't forget to turn up the volume.

These are not short poems, nor simple words.... These are feelings bound with LOVE. Yet, it's MIWICLE's imagination. =)

BAck in Berlin.

Pics were taken by aunt and her husband! =) enjoy my latest update...

It was pretty cold outside, but I couldn't resist sitting in my balcony even though I didn't want to catch a flu. I brought my pinky winky jacket that was made of budge.... There I sat on my bench shivering...taking a sip of hot tea.... Contemplating the white trees, houses, and roads....

Drifting off into a reverie, for I loved catching glimpses of his memory... I remember walking together on that road... "what an empty place it has come to be".... I was searching for his vision in each spot... Yet he didn't show up to strengthen that hope...

Now  mother please don't ask why on earth I was outside my room in such a snowy day, for sickness is my permanent guest and I can bear it anyway... You have no idea about how I missed my sun which used to rise on so many mornings.. O mother, I missed that special kind of warmth... It was one of the world's most unique blessings to have a person who could add so much pleasure to all my days.. hugging me at times when everyone seemed so engrossed in life... And believe that I could give all my life and do anything just  to be in his lap and hear the sound of his heart's beats once again... He loved me tremendously and his actions spoke nothing but the truth... He colored my life with hope and ambitions that helped me walk on the right path... O mum, I miss his presence :'( How am I supposed to feel after being embraced with his passion for so long??

I still don't wanna talk about that special kind of love! It's supposed to be secretive, but I thought of relieving you..

Concealing allll that love took his soul to the life of eternity, leaving me with people who never knew how to cherish sincerity... yet, he's always inside me, warm within my heart... surrounding my own world to take my soul far away from this mold..

"mum, forgive me please... I should have listened to you when you asked me not to walk in the rain, but please don't blame me.. It was one of the happiest moments of recalling the old days... Now that my soul is preparing to fly... please don't blame your little child... could you ever imagine a sky without stars.. flowers with no colors?? Birds without chirp? dawn without the diffused light of twilight appearing after it? or YOU WITHOUT YOUR SOUL MATE? I know it's so tough when you enter my room and see my pictures from the day I was born till the day I graduated hanging on walls...  And when you see my heart-shaped tokens you realize why I was head-over-heels in love with such objects...

Of course you noticed why I was hiding away and resisting family meetings in the last couple of months.. didn't you? I couldn't hide those tears which were filling my eyes....

surely, you remember the moment you saw the words I've written inside THE NOVEL OF "a walk to remember".. Sorry for lying at you that day... What you felt was so true!

It hurts so much when you go through what I've been through... losing the precious ones, then receiving shocks from people who are so dear to me... After that Starting to make mistakes that made me regret and stay up late every night... and finally, seeing my friends suffering and repeating my story...... 

I was keeping all that inside of me..... I was struggling alone...

O mother...

I love you and I'm going to miss your radiant smile the most.

Kiss my lil sisters and tell them that miwicle loves them, and if they ever need me around.. let them pray for me.. and I'll visit them in dreams..

and always always and always... See me in this child and you'll remember your lil miwicle when she used to say "cewelac, aybad, okakaaaleee..."

It started with fever... and it ended with fever.

Gone........

Let them speak..

:)

=)

Hiyaaaaaaa

 

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